The LoveLights descended
took me for a ride
left me
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not me
in a way
I adore.
•~•~•~•~•
Today I unwrapped the bandage and let the wound out.
Yes, I know it was an accident, but the shrink in me (my Mother was right when she said studying psychology is the worst mistake I’ve ever made) can’t help but wonder.
At the time I was deeply engaged in a terrible battle with Self.
You know those stories about poverty-stricken people who win the lottery and then blow it all in one way or another within the first six months? People whose wildest dreams come true and they are so unprepared they completely mess it up?
There were many many days I desperately wanted a release – any release – from the pain of truly understanding – and accepting – how thoroughly wrong I have been about so many things for so many years.
The incessant flow of pain and fear released by unlocking all of that self-loathing threatened to consume me. It did consume me. I just wanted it to stop.
In my blindness, I cut the wrong cord.
I cut the cord to my bliss, not my debris.
I accidentally slashed my wrist, missing the ulnar artery by one stitch.
I didn’t mean to cut into myself; I meant to cut off what I have been carrying that was not mine in the first place.
I didn’t mean to cut you, either.
•~•~•~•~•
The Summer Solstice marks the longest day of the year. In St. Petersburg, this day begins the White Nights, a celebration which lasts ten days. People love the days of long light; this is the best time to burn the chaff and the worry of the year gone by.
I say let’s do that.
