Enlightenment?

So, on another note entirely (thank goodness):

The fact that my 10 years working with the criminally insane perfectly prepared me for my current career as an Algebra professor is something I do not want to discuss in too much detail, but I do want to say this: Like repeat offenders, some students just do not get the message.

Case in point:

I am currently in the middle of a “dialogue” with a “student” that, so far, has used 5,274 words to explain the appropriate online comportment expected of a college student and 5,132 words to react inappropriately to these explanations.

I find myself wondering, “Is this bitch ever going to shut up?”

And I realize that, most likely, the student is wondering the exact same thing.

Should I laugh over the irony of it all or weep over the set of circumstances that has caused me to become so “understanding” of the mirror we provide for others?

And Another Thing...

I do not want to talk about my Dad.

I KNOW he is having some intractable problems.

I RESENT the assumption that my silence reflects indifference. Or worse, immature nonchalance.

NOTHING COULD BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH.

Someday, there will be someone who asks me how s/he can help, rather than criticize me for not helping enough. Or not talking enough. Or not doing enough.

Someday, there will be someone who understands what my silence says.

What Happened?!

I know you want to know “What happened?!” and I do not want to talk about it.

I don’t what to talk about it because I do not have an answer; I have no idea what happened.

What I *do* know is that, somehow, after all of those words, all that's left is silence.

I could just die from shame and humiliation.  I don't know which is worse:  the concrete prison I cannot bust out of or my part in constructing it.

The quest for the answer to “What happened?!!” has driven me insane. So to hear externally what I incessantly hear internally tears at the very fine threads that are barely keeping my insides in.

That’s why the retreat.