Daddy

My Beloved Father passed away six months ago today at 2:13 p.m.

I’ve been blessed to thrive through many challenges, but this one…I’d always imagined this change would take away all my will and motivation because…who doesn’t know by now that my Dad was my lifeline?

But…I’m HAPPY to report that I made it.  

With minimal damage, which I know surprises the shit out of most. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Others can’t believe I made it through the attack in my classroom or my son’s death or ten years studying the criminally insane (I submit that still affects me, but let’s not get into that) or watching my Mama die for 6.5 years or being accused of two felonies and misuse of 911 or jail time or #3 (although there was a time when I thought that situation would kill me) but all that PUT TOGETHER (Plus graduate school.  Twice.) is NOTHING compared to the experience of the last six months. 

*I* can’t believe I made it through this one. 

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I suppose I should be grateful for the battle with Goliath, which has given me focus and purpose, once I got over feeling intimidated (thank you, Knight, for your help with that).  I achieved victory in the conflict over my home (Remember when I said I wasn’t moving?) and I KNOW that is paving the way toward total triumph.  I imagine a year from now I will say the battle kept me from drowning in grief.

I suppose I should be grateful for the growth that will come from the interpersonal “challenges” of the past six months, but I’m still bitter. 

Yes, I admit it.

I AM grateful for those who stuck by me.  The person who got hit hardest by my grief moved closer.  My Father once said, “How could I ever explain you to anyone?” and well…it is a rare breed who can successfully manage my program, especially when it goes wild.

I AM grateful for those who reached out.  I am not a reacher outer by nature and there have been some days – especially early in the battle with Goliath – when it took all of my energy to breathe and feed the kitties.  Remember to connect with people?  Too much.

I AM grateful for all of the sympathetic ears as I try to go about my day and my eyes start leaking.  I can’t tell you how many “strangers” have bought me a pizza or paid for my gas or helped with the car or did me a solid because on more days than I care to admit I feel like a lost little girl.

I AM grateful I had the honor of watching my Dad pass away.  I say “pass away” because I was there and I saw and witnessed and experienced the whole thing and I SAW those angels come down and carry that Warrior back home and NO ONE will ever tell me God doesn’t exist. 

And…

Who on the entire West Coast doesn’t know that I AM GRATEFUL AS HELL for The Cher Experience?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I am very clear none of these beautiful, amazing Bucket List things would have happened had my Beloved Father not passed away six months ago today at 2:13 p.m.

L’Chaim!