Revelation

It’s the time of year when, traditionally, the veil between worlds becomes the thinnest. 

Before the spell of judgment gets cast by “Christians,” I invite you to (a) read this whole piece; and (b) engage in an offline conversation with me.  Didn’t Jesus’ death tear down the veil?

Naturally, the days are getting shorter and the nights are getting longer and, for many people, the increased hours of physical darkness leads to increased hours of psychological darkness.  Science tells us that people need Vitamin D from the sun for “proper functioning.”  Decreased amounts of Vitamin D leads to decreased “functioning.”

Psychology tells us that into every life some rain must fall and one must work through and resolve the “issues” for “proper functioning.”

Spirituality tells us that only LOVE comes from The Divine and everything else is a result of “darkness,” usually our own limited human perception.

I say all of the above must be mixed together and balanced:  A human being is a complex mixture of biology, psychology, and spirituality (even the atheists, but that’s for another post) and so all three components must be carefully mixed, monitored, and moderated for “proper functioning.”

Which leads me to my point:  How people – myself included – form deep attachments to tragic situations in an ineffectual attempt to move past them. 

For the rest of her life, the Mother who started M.A.D.D.’s daily experience will revolve around the tragedy of her son’s death.  Maybe that’s what she wants, who am I to say?

For five years, three months and 12 days my daily existence revolved around abuse and injustice.  Several people – including The Knight – told me to let it go but I just couldn’t.  I felt my name and reputation were at stake and I Could. Not. Abide. the taxpayer-funded character assassination.  I kept going when I thought of the Mothers I met on my journey who were coerced into bogus confessions and “relationships” by the threat of DHS intrusion into their children’s lives.

I’m not saying I’m noble; I’m describing the lengths the wounded human ego will go to feel better.  I didn’t move past the situation; I purposefully tied myself to it.

I made it through anyway (cue the unending mercy and grace of God, despite our human machinations), justice was served, and my Dad finally said he was proud of me.

And then he died three months later.

As sad as I am and as much as I miss my Dad, I absolutely do not want the rest of my daily life to revolve around my grief.  I’ve already done that for 20 years over the gang rape, the death of my son, the death of my Mother, my out-of-alignment career, and That Situation.  I most certainly do NOT want to spend the next 20 like that.  I want to move on into the next chapter, as selfish and self-absorbed as that sounds.

I’ve spent my entire life trying to make things better for other people, to the detriment of my own well-being.  I’m all for being a giver, but givers attract takers and my low self-esteem can’t comprehend that I have any value to receive anything.  There has to be a balance.

I was considering developing a “grief program” through my church when I realized I was just like that M.A.D.D. Mother:  I am frustrated by many things and creating a “Relief Committee” so others would not have the (unpleasant) experience I did would be tying myself to circumstances I REALLY don’t like, thus perpetuating them. 

Law of Attraction 101

My idea to do something “to help others” was really, truly a way to prolong my own frustration:  Something borne out of my frustration will always be tied to my frustration, and, well…you do the math.

Did I mention I’m inherently self-destructive?

So, for the next few days, when the veil is thinnest and our inner demons come out to play, let’s remember they’re playing and not take it all so seriously.  Our true nature is one of light and love and the darkness is always Always ALWAYS only temporary…if we don’t tie ourselves to it in a misguided attempt to recover what we feel we’ve “lost.” 

The Truth is there IS no loss…only varying perceptions of abundance.