If one more person says to me “What is the lesson you can learn from this?” I am going to sock him/her in the head.
It just sounds like I am being punished, as in “I have not learned my lesson yet” and the flogging will continue until I do.
I *do* feel punished and have spent an inordinate amount of time on my knees and an incredible amount of energy trying to figure out the appropriate penance for whatever the hell I did in the first place.
To no avail.
So, in yet another attempt to make sense of the incomprehensible, I am going to STOP asking what I did wrong or to create this situation or what I am supposed to learn from all this.
Instead, I am going to be grateful for the gifts that come/came from this situation, even if they are silent and invisible. And not sparkly.
I know they’re there.
Maybe now I will finally understand what in the hell happened. What in the hell created the vacuum that sucked out all hope, joy and love.
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