Setting Straight the Record

I’ve been called a Beacon of Truth and I suppose that’s true, considering I’ve spent the past five years and three days trying to set straight a very crooked record. 

I wasn’t 100% successful – who is? – but I’ve definitely straightened out enough that I am MORE THAN READY to matriculate.

However, there are a few things that continue to pop up and so I’m setting the record straight here once and for all.  After this, any of the below is a closed subject.

1.    I did not love #3.  I never did, not once, not for one instant.  I saw in him an opportunity to resolve lifelong issues and boy, howdy, did I.

2.    It is unwise to threaten someone who’s survived violence and lost everything in the process.  You’ll be surprised at how quickly that person can disengage from even the most longed-for situation.  The catalyst for this falls under the heading of “Never Again.”

3.    I’m surprised how many people feel entitled to an explanation from me as to How All That Happened.  Unless your last name is “Clifford,” “Crowley,” or “Corso,” you are entitled to nothing.

4.    People with low self-worth who are in violent situations typically do not reach out for help.  Particularly those who have reached out in the past and were further traumatized (e.g., people who called 911 for help and were refused assistance). 

a.    It is one of the heights of self-absorption to judge those who do not reach out to you.  Particularly if you have chosen to be ignorant of a distressed person’s situation.  It’s actually abusive to insist people reach out to you as you purposefully choose ignorance and inaction.  You know someone is in distress?  REACH OUT TO THEM.

                                               i.     Understand it may take a few tries for the distressed person to reach back.  Trust is an issue.  If you choose to take the distressed person’s mistrust personally, you are further distressing an already-overloaded person.  Consider what the person endured that made her that way.

5.    It becomes instinct for domestic/authority abuse survivors to push people away.  To these people, personal safety is paramount and trust is hard (if ever) won.  Please don’t take this reaction personally, either.  In some cases (like mine), a person would rather live in solitude than risk anything remotely similar to what she endured.  Again, consider what the person endured that made her that way.

6.    People who’ve experienced physical violence DO NOT LIKE FORCED PHYSICAL CONTACT.  This includes “hugs.”  You might think a person needs a hug, but one who’s experienced prolonged physical abuse does not want ANYONE to touch her (with very few exceptions).  This includes those hugs in church.  This includes coming up behind me unawares and "surprising" me.  Anything forced is forced, regardless of the setting.  You are NOT showing God’s love by forcing me to hug you so YOU can feel like a “good Christian.”  That’s actually abusive.  In church.

a.    Don’t get me started on people who drop by my house unexpected.  The police did that for over a year.  I had to answer the door then.  I don’t now.  Eric Clapton himself could show up and I wouldn’t answer.  I would expect him to have some compassion and consideration for me and my time and call first.

7.    I’ve had PTSD since 1997.  Granted, it’s come and gone, but That Situation brought it back Full. Stop.  I chose not to manage it with traditional pharmaceuticals.  Understand the past four months is the longest violence-free stretch I’ve had since March 2011.  If I back off from you, understand it has everything to do with me and my triggers and NOTHING to do with you.  If you choose to ignore my reaction (“You just need a hug.”) and continue to advance, understand it won’t end well for either one of us.

I may very well be controlling, distant, and aloof.  No one’s got to live with it but me, so…why’s it bothering you?  I made it and that’s enough for me.

For now.