How in the hell did that happen?
In both cases, my intent came from a place of love and compassion and kindness and a deep desire to ease (or not make worse) the burden of an obviously distressed person. My words and actions only served to add to, not lessen, the burden. Yes, I understand the other person was distressed and therefore could not be reached; however, I do NOT understand how my intent was assumed to be hurtful or standoffish.
I also understand what don Miguel Ruiz says about not taking anything personally; however, the same thing with two Beloveds points the finger back at me:
WHAT IN THE HELL AM I DOING WRONG?
So I now retreat into silence because my words have only served to antagonize, not soothe. But, before I do, I would like to state for the record:
I LOVE YOU AND WAS THINKING OF YOU AND YOUR WELFARE FIRST WITH MY WORDS AND ACTIONS.
I understand it did not come out that way. I am truly sorry for that. However, it is up to you to understand and accept that my words and actions came from a place of love, not malice.
Just like it is up to me to understand and accept that I unintentionally hurt two of the people I love the most.
PS: If I don’t know I am doing it, then maybe I AM NOT. Maybe what you are seeing is your own projection.
So it's for the best that I lost our baby. I would've hurt her just like my Mother hurt me and not had one clue. Just like I Mommy'd you two (and who knows who else). I am so so sorry. I wish I was enough of a genius to turn back time. But if Cher couldn't, I certainly cannot.
ReplyDeleteFirst, your hormones are likely a little wacky right now given that you recently miscarried, so that could be affecting what you say and how you perceive things. Just keep that in mind!
ReplyDeleteSecond, we all say things we don't mean.
Third, words do wound and all we can ever do is take responsibility, learn from the experience, and do our best to do better next time.
Lastly, LOVE the Cher reference! But now I have to go listen that song. Thanks a lot! :-)