2009

The year started off with a bang! when, in January, I was kicked out of my life.

I was not welcome to the people or the places or the events around which I had built a network. One day I was part of something, the next I wasn’t -- with no opportunity for discussion or appeal. Eight years undone in the same number of hours.

It took several dazed yet frenetic weeks to realize the extent of this banishment. In March, an experience on a downtown Portland street corner gave me a glimpse into a future of which I wanted no part. Of that I was sure.

So, unable to wait any longer for understanding, I set out to re-build my life. Again. 

The good news (there were three good things in 2009; this the first one) was that my Muse came back. This time, I don’t care if I get squeezed out the asshole of the Universe. At least I know what to expect. I do have the gift of resurrection.

I was feeling almost hopeful around mid-summer, despite the 107 degrees. Perhaps the pain and agony of the previous six months were worth the inspiration and contentment that were seeping back into my skin. 

Then SWAT Team showed up.

This event will have its own (future) blog entry, so for now, let me say this: When the SWAT Team takes position in your front yard, it’s time to make some changes. Granted, I was relieved they were not there for me (this time), but nonetheless. Forced participation in a 13-hour standoff gives one time to think. 

Just as I decided to venture back out into the world, My Person found me (the second good thing that happened during 2009). While this was wonderful, My Person found me on the same day I learned my Beloved Father required major surgery to repair his heart.

As this was both the best and the worst day of my entire life, I began to make plans for both the best and the worst.

Then, on Halloween, a karmic mood swing came down and wiped out all of my plans. I am still REALLY PISSED about this. I realize by writing about it I have to let it go. I understand the cure for Karma Hangover is to be thankful for the reset. However, I have no interest in being that mature.

The third (and best best) good thing that happened in 2009 was my Beloved Father came through his surgery with flying colors. That joy, too, was short-lived as his recovery has been grueling.

So: That’s three good things out of an approximate 1100 things total in 2009. That’s 3/1100 or 0.003 or 0.3% good things that happened in 2009. That’s like an F-.

Even Santa didn’t visit.

The bottom line is: Any year that ends with me menstruating twice is not a good one. Now there is no doubt; inspiration and contentment have been replaced by uterus-flipping stress.

I welcome you with open arms, 2010. I look forward to you helping me flip it all back.