The First 10 Days

So I have been releasing my anger for 10 days. During those 10 days, I have let go of:

• My general, overall anger.  
• My anger over the karmic mood swing that wiped out all of my hope and happiness. 
• My anger over all of the clutter. I hate clutter. Why is there so much of it?  
• My bitterness over all of the love and compassion and empathy I poured into the world and the only result is the obduration of my heart.
• My resentment over my choice to not act out but instead act like a lady. For the record, “acting like a lady” is highly overrated.
• My resentment over my choice to (physically) stay where I am. It is time for a disappearing act, time to pack up and move, but instead, I stay. I stay to endure the consequences of both my actions and my personality. I stay to endure the sting of alienation and failure. What kind of masochist have I become? What’s next? Getting married?
• My bitterness that illumination has brought only clarity, not peace of mind. 

That’s 7 out of 100 things. Not bad for the first 10 days. And, while it may seem like the above should create more, additional, “things,” rest assured, I am letting all of those go, too.

Reading over my list, it strikes me that a person must have a lot of anger (and a close relationship with it) to have it all neat and organized and categorized. Now only if I could get my office that organized. Or my house. Or my tax receipts.

Having completed 7% of my task, how do I feel? Bitter, angry, resentful, hopeless, and more depressed. I thought this exercise was supposed to help. I understand I am supposed to keep going; to forge ahead; that this is the fire, but…does it have to be so God-damned hot?